What I Wish I Had Known Before Transitioning from Peer to Supervisor

As you advance in your career, especially if you’re able to grow within the same organization, it’s likely that you’ll experience managing people who were formerly your peers. They may have even been your friends.

I lived this: In my first big management role, I went—overnight—from being the friend a colleague went out to dinner with to being the boss who did her performance evaluations. It was one of the biggest professional challenges I experienced.

Here’s what I would do differently and how you can be intentional with your immediate next steps in order to be successful with this transition.

Acknowledge the Transition

Meet with each direct report individually to re-establish roles. Talk about your leadership style and ask them about their work strengths and how you can help them thrive at work. Create a safe space for any questions they may have.

Your transition into a management role will likely be as uncomfortable for you as it is for your team members. Acknowledge this discomfort to each other rather than trying to hide it. (Let’s be real, if these people were your friends before, they definitely know you well enough to know what you’re feeling.) Recognize things will have to change and accept whatever feelings come with that. It’s okay to feel sad about the loss of what was while you are excited about what’s ahead.

Clearly Communicate Boundaries

Talk through what new boundaries will exist in your relationship. For example, your team member can’t come gossip to you anymore, but they can raise concerns about things happening in the office. Or maybe you previously spent a lot of time listening to a team member talk about a project they will now manage on their own. If they come to you again like they would have in your former role, kindly and firmly clarify that you trust them, you look forward to hearing updates, and are available as a resource.

Maintaining (Or Not) Work Friendships

There are two schools of thought on being friends with your direct reports: one says keep full distance and the other says you can thoughtfully maintain work friendships. I chose to remain strictly professional with my former peers, but I’ll warn you that it was a lonely choice.

If you choose to keep up with friendships, be mindful that everything you do as a manager is being watched by your other staff members, so it will be important to demonstrate you’re not playing favorites. Remember your job as a manager is to be respected, not liked, which can be contrary to what is expected of friends. Of note, you can be friendly to staff members without being friends.

Leverage Your Team’s Strengths

A benefit of being the boss of a team you have already been a part of is that you likely have an understanding of the team’s strengths. You may have an advantage because people knew and (ideally) trusted you before you became their boss.

Don’t assume anything, though, because reporting lines can change everything. Rather, explore if you can leverage previous relationships by having people who are more willing to share ideas and give you feedback. After all, to be the best leader you can be, you’ll need to get feedback from your team.

Ask for Help

I wish I had been able to rely on someone to help guide me through this transition—and I wish I had understood that asking for help is a sign of strength. Ideally your boss is the kind of leader you want to be and will be able to coach and support you. If not, find a trusted mentor—this could be someone much more established in your field or a colleague who has thoughtfully navigated this situation already.

For example, through working with an executive coach, I went through a significant transition in my leadership. She helped me see what was holding me back, both in my organization and in myself. Together we developed a plan for the areas I wanted to work on—and what I could control. She reminded me what my strengths and values were and showed me how to leverage them differently.

I’ve since left the organization where I had my first big management role, but the memories of what I wish I had done differently haven’t left me. All transitions are difficult. I was so busy trying to do what everyone else suggested I do that I forgot what made me a great colleague or friend in the first place was by caring about them as people. Above all else, remain authentically yourself and, while I highly recommend seeking advice, make sure you trust yourself when you select how you’ll implement what you’ve learned.

For much more on this topic, check out my new book, One Bold Move a Day.