5 Ways to Deal with a Competitive Coworker

I can still remember starting in a new organization many years ago, learning my way around the office and figuring out how to fit in. As I built new friendships with colleagues and got a few invites for coffee (or margaritas!), I felt like I started to belong.

But, not everyone was as welcoming as I might have hoped.

One colleague, in particular, saw me as competition. It showed up in backhanded comments, withholding information, and calling out my mistakes in front of others. I wasn’t sure what I had done to cause this, or how to change the situation. I could tell they saw work as a zero-sum game, and only one of us could succeed. The conflict started to get in my head and affect my work.

If you’ve ever worked with a competitive colleague, you know how exhausting it can be. At its worst, it can hold you back from doing your best work.

Here are five ways to navigate this situation:

1.     Focus on Yourself

Put your energy into your work, your goals, and the team members who support you. Focus on the people and projects that bring you energy, and try to ignore the rest.

2.     Cheer on Others

Make a point to celebrate your colleagues’ successes. Send a quick note when they close a significant gift or deal, because it’s a reflection of who you are and what you value. A spirit of collaboration helps build relationships, even with those who may not seem as collegial.

3.     Get Curious

Shift the dynamic from competition to curiosity. Have a direct conversation with the person who is competing with you. Ask thoughtful questions to understand where your colleague is coming from.

It could sound like, “Ben, it seemed like you were frustrated with my strategy presentation in this morning’s meeting. Can we talk this through?”

Something else to consider: Are you unintentionally giving off competitive vibes? It may help to clarify your intentions, so your colleagues aren’t guessing incorrectly.

Try saying, “I want to share my thinking on…”

4.     Build an Alliance

When dealing with this competitive coworkers in my career, I’ve realized I have three options: clash with them, avoid them, or figure out how to work with them. Working with someone you don’t completely align with is what I call a strategic alliance. Though it’s easier to build an alliance with someone you get along with, it might be even more important to do this with people you don’t. If you can find a common cause, goal, or interest (even just one), you can figure out ways to work together, rather than against each other.

You might initiate a conversation with, “Halley, I know we’ve had some challenges at work in the past, and I’d like to start again. Would you be open to meeting up for a coffee?”

5.     Discuss with Your Manager

If you’ve made efforts to improve things with this colleague and it’s not resolving, bring it up with your manager. Come prepared with specific examples and the steps you’ve taken to make things better.

Don’t say: “Laura is so competitive, and I can’t work with her.” Do say, “I’m having some challenges collaborating with Laura and I’d like to get your insights as my manager on how she and I can work together better.”

Your manager may not want to get involved directly, but they will hopefully offer suggestions on how to navigate the situation, and at least you’ve made them aware.

You can’t control how others behave, but you can control how you respond. And by handling workplace competition with confidence and grace, you’re already winning.

This article was originally published in September 2022 and has been recently updated to help you navigate today’s workplace challenges.