How I Show Up Compassionately for Others Without Getting Burned Out

During a recent conversation with a friend, she asked if I had any advice for how to remain empathetic to others without burning out. She confided in me that she was having a hard time managing her energy while supporting other friends and colleagues who were all going through their own difficult experiences, in addition to the pandemic.

I acknowledged that it was indeed a lot, and because I care about her, I encouraged her to protect space for herself, too.

I know this personally. As a manager and friend, I had previously burned out from feeling what others felt through everything they shared with me.

I explained how my philosophy on empathy had evolved over time. I’ve realized I’m best able to support others through compassion (not empathy). Compassion allows me to understand where they’re coming from and take action to support them without taking on their burden as my own.

It came from a parenting technique I read about many years ago: To catch and release other’s feelings. What I love so much about this strategy is that you can still deeply connect with others, while preserving your own wellbeing. It’s the advice I offer to you now, too.

As a leader, you support your team members through your language and actions—and through creating psychological safety where people can bring their whole selves to work. When this happens, be prepared for when they reveal personal details to you about their lives or their families. As much as we wish people would only have positive things happening to them, the reality is that people experience illness, loss, and grief.

Even more so during the pandemic, work and life have become intertwined. Your role is to thoughtfully listen and support what they need from you. In the listening, you “catch” and in the supportive action, you “release.”

Most importantly, don’t forget to offer compassion to yourself, too. As much as you care about others’ wellbeing, you also need to care about yourself. Allow yourself grace that you’re doing the best you can. Research shows this also strengthens your resilience, which will support you for the long-term—and will help you be your best self in serving others.