Make This the Year You Say Hi to Someone in the Coffee Shop

You have many opportunities in your daily life to choose to connect with someone new—but do you notice the moments? Here’s why you want to start paying closer attention: New research shows that your happiness and wellbeing are connected in part to the “weak ties” you have. “Weak ties” are the people you don’t have particularly strong relationships with, but you connect with in some shared capacity, like neighbors, a barista at the local coffee shop, or people you regularly see in a spin class. Research has often focused on how “weak ties” can help advance your career. A new study indicates that creating this network of acquaintances contributes to your sense of belonging, wellbeing, and access to opportunities.

I’ve built genuine relationships from a onetime conversation in a coffee shop, on a train platform, in a dress shop, and on social media, and I want to help you do that, too.

Here’s what this looks like in action:

Bold Move #1: Say thank you

Many years ago, as part of my role leading a global major gifts team for a college, I traveled to London every other month to meet with donors. As a solo traveler, I found comfort (and safety) in returning to the same hotel nearly every time. A few years after I left that university role, my family and I returned to London on vacation. The hotel I formerly stayed in no longer existed, so we chose a different hotel nearby. While at breakfast with my family one morning, a hotel staff member and I exchanged pleasantries. After a minute or so, she asked me, “Did you used to stay at Green Park? As soon as she said something, I recognized her as one of the kind staff members I knew from the hotel I stayed in during my frequent business travels to London. She must have met hundreds of people every day. It had been years since I had been in London. And she remembered.

Say thank you and show kindness. Your Bold Move has the power to positively affect others, sometimes in ways you will never know and other times in ways you’ll be grateful to discover.

Bold Move #2: Ask a question

 A few years ago, I received a comment that deeply resonated with me on one of my LinkedIn posts. It was written by someone I didn’t know or have any shared connections with. I remember mentioning to my husband about the comment later that night. When I woke up the next day still thinking about it, I decided to message the person to ask a follow up question. We corresponded a few times and I offered to connect via phone if I could be helpful to her. A few years later, she invited me to lead a workshop for her organization. It didn’t end up working out for various reasons in the end, but we were mutually appreciative and compassionate, and I continue to admire her as a leader.

Ask a question to bring people closer together. Remember, this is about genuine connection, and a Bold Move will not always go as hoped. Make them anyway, because you believe in what’s possible for yourself and others.

Bold Move #3: Offer to help someone

Are you familiar with Buy Nothing? It’s a virtual community for helping out people in your neighborhood by giving and asking for things with no monetary exchange. One day I noticed a post asking for a copy of the recent Harvard Business Review edition, which happened to be sitting on my coffee table. I replied to offer my copy to the person, and we made plans to connect. When she reached out to coordinate pickup, it coincided with the date of my book launch. I could have let her know the date didn’t work without any explanation, but something compelled me to share about my book with her. She responded with an encouraging note and invite to connect via LinkedIn. A few months later, she reached out to invite me to be a keynote speaker for her company’s national client conference.

Offer help to build connection—without expecting anything in return. Good things will come from authentic kindness.

In every one of these instances, there was an interaction that I could have appreciated for a moment and forgotten about or ignored completely. Instead, I chose to give these people my attention.

Are you ready to put this into practice for yourself?

The first step to creating a moment of genuine connection is to notice the opportunities. Being present with others can be as simple as saying “hello” or “thank you”, sitting in a coffee shop or taking a walk without putting in your headphones, starting a conversation on the airplane during the flight’s descent, or following up with someone you meet in a virtual workshop or at a conference.

The second step is to be intentional and proactive in making a genuine connection. You might ask someone a question about the book they’re reading, invite someone to walk and talk (in person or via phone from two different locations) to learn about their career, or compliment someone on their dress at a train station. People tend to underestimate how much they’ll enjoy connecting with someone they don’t know and overestimate how awkward it will feel to do so. Even if the connection doesn’t end up becoming something significant in the moment, research shows there is joy even from minimal connections with others.

Make this the year you say hello to someone and build a genuine connection. You leave impressions every day on people all around you, and when you share kindness, it becomes a part of you and them. This Bold Move has the power to create joy and learning for you, and I’d like to believe it makes the world a better place, too.

When you make your Bold Move, drop me a line or tag me on social with your story. I can’t wait to hear what magic happens as a result of your Bold Move!