How to Make Small Talk Again—Even After All This Time

I recently traveled for my first business trip since the pandemic started. Prior to the trip, I felt nervous about driving out of state, making sure I packed everything I would need for an overnight, preparing for the meeting itself, and, most importantly, could I still walk in heels. As I reflected on how long it had been since I had been on a donor meeting, I realized there was a new aspect of preparation to consider—how to make small talk again. Getting back out there might feel awkward. We have lived through a lot over the last 15 months. As you plan for a return to the office, cocktails with friends, or visiting your favorite coffee shop, here are five tips to help you make small talk that will lead to positive outcomes.

1.     Ask people about their pandemic life 

If it’s been a long time since you’ve seen someone, you may be naturally curious about how the last year has been for them. It works for people you’ve never met before, too. Keep your question general, “What were you up to during the pandemic?” to give someone space to be vulnerable about the challenges of the last year or share how they thrived despite them. Or ask something more specific, such as, “What was your favorite snack/TV show/activity during quarantine?”

2.     Create shared positivity

Pose questions that shift toward a favorable memory. You can ask, “What was the best part of your day/week?” or “What is something bringing you joy right now?” These kinds of questions lead to positive thinking. In turn, it will build connection.

3.     Point out something in the environment that resonates with you

If you’re visiting someone’s home, take a look around and ask about a piece of art or family heirloom. People love sharing their stories about things that are important to them and it’s a great way to get people to open up. If you’re in a communal space, you can still remark about something you noticed.

4.     Identify common interests

Try to find something you and the other person have in common. Ask them about the last book they read or podcast they listened to. You can also share what you’ve been reading or listening to and ask them what they would recommend.

5.     Comment on the weather (just kidding!)

Though it’s natural to rely on the weather as an easy conversation starter, this one is played out. You can, however, still use the season to make a connection. Try this instead, “What fun thing have you done to take advantage of the beautiful spring weather we’re having?”

With a little preparation, genuine curiosity, and active listening (plus, these questions you can keep on standby!), you’ll be able to meaningfully connect with others—even on the small things. After all, this pandemic has reminded us that the small things are indeed the big things.

For more questions you can use to generate small talk with a group or individual, check out my list of nine icebreaker questions.