Why I Cheer On Other Women

I checked my email for the umpteenth time that day, expecting the usual, but always hoping for something exciting. To my surprise, in my inbox were invitations to participate in two professional development opportunities: a conference that supported women and leadership (and also fashion, so basically all my favorite things) and a speaking opportunity to use your voice to support women (my other favorite thing).

Each one had a selection process. The conference required attendees to write an essay and the speaking opportunity would go to the candidate who received the most votes. So, each of these events necessitated walking the walk of intentionally putting yourself out there with one bold career move. They required vulnerability, and a bit more personal investment than if it was say, by a lottery.

After some time, I received rejections from both, in the same week. I got the typical form letter in my inbox politely thanking me for applying and acknowledging the amazing pool of many applicants and blah blah blah.

I invest a lot of myself in sharing the message to Be Yourself Boldly, so these rejections stung. I am human. It hurt. I wanted to be included and recognized and told my message was valuable and be picked to tell my story.

That’s not all. I’d shared the conference invite with three friends, and the two of whom submitted an essay were both chosen to attend. A professional acquaintance was selected to be a speaker at the women’s event. They’re all great women, but it kind of felt like all of my friends got invited to a party I was excluded from.

I often like to process and reflect while out on a run, so that’s what I did. Instead of listening to music this time, I chose to focus on my own thoughts.

I wanted to have been accepted. But more than that: I had believed I would be. I’ve taught myself to rise above imposter syndrome, believe in myself and what I have to offer, and I thought I’d shared that in both of my applications. I constantly coach women and young professionals to believe in themselves, to be bold, to have confidence. So, of course, I had started thinking about what I might wear and how I would coordinate to make things work at home. I have worked hard to get to where I am in my career: Why shouldn’t I be selected?

A little later into the run, the tiny voice of self-doubt crept in: “What if I wasn’t good enough to have been selected?”

I stopped running.

Then I remembered that I control the voice my own head. I knew I had to be my own biggest fan—and that I was capable of doing just that.

I jotted a quick congratulatory note to the acquaintance who will be speaking at the event. Then I wrote an email to connect the two friends who will be attending the conference.

I picked back up on my run. I was still hurt, and I also felt more at peace.

I’m not suggesting you should stop caring or investing in what you do—this is what makes you who you are. I’m saying to be the woman who cheers on other women, because this makes us all stronger. It is my responsibility to create the world for others that I might have hoped for myself.

Someone else’s success does not diminish yours in any way. When she gets chosen, applaud her. When she launches her business, support her. When she uses her voice, cheer her on. When she negotiates a raise, celebrate her. When she chooses to be herself boldly, stand beside her. We rise together.

It is important to feel and be authentic when you cheer on others—and it is possible to be happy for others while you feel disappointed for yourself. A paradox mindset means accepting the both/and of the situation. This is the reality of life: Things may feel competing or in tension, but you can reframe your approach to see how they integrate.

You can support others and still be ambitious for yourself. As Adam Grant author of Give and Take says, your motivation to help others doesn’t have to limit your ability to achieve success in your own career.

It took a mindset shift to get to where I am now. I had to commit to facing rejection, because the alternative of not trying at all would have been a failure, too. I also had to know there is room for all of us to be successful.

Keep putting yourself out there for significant opportunities. Do this because you believe in your heart you are meant for something bigger and you understand that it may not happen as you planned. In the face of rejection, ask yourself what you will offer the world next. And, in the meantime, cheer on others’ success, too.

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